Juneau, Alaska-- In a shocking revelation today Alaska Governor Sarah Palin revealed she is a former member of the 1980s pop band The Bangles.

"I admit it -- I used to be in The Bangles. I used to play major barre chords in a five-piece band while wearing multi-colored neon overalls with a terrible haircut," Plain said. "There is no excuse for these past indiscretions, but in my defense, everyone was doing that back then. Didn't you ever catch a glimpse of Culture Club or Siouxsie and the Banshees?"

Riyadh, Saudi Arabia-- President Barack Obama drew criticism from political pundits in the United States and angered billions of Muslims in an effort to reach out and bridge the widening gulf between the U.S. and those of Muslim faith.

"I know America has not been the most tolerant or understanding of the Muslim faith," Obama said. "Would I hope can happen, in an effort to bring our two worlds of faith closer together, is a massive barbecue on the south lawn at the White House.

"I would be delighted if Muslims from across the world would join us for a pig roast, maybe some hot dogs and pulled pork sandwiches. We'll have bags and croquet, and the whiskey and beer will flow freely, like I hope the dialogue between our two great religions will flow.

"At the end of the night we

Moneterey, CA-- Area man Mark Dennison, admittedly formerly a gay man, spent hours at Parkside Park today staring at, posing with and caressing a statue of former jazz legend Buddy "Gut Buster" Burns.

"There's just something about it I absolutely love," Dennison said. "It's just delicious. Of all the statues I have ever seen, this one is the tops."

(photo from xanga.com)

Mt Vernon IA - Dale McDaniel has been out on workman's comp since an accident at his construction job left him unable to perform even the simplest tasks, however his Government disability check has given him the strength and courage he needed to lift up a cooler filled with ice and beer. According to Mr. McDaniel who has been accused of defrauding the Government, "The pictures that the investigator took are completely out of context, I have been living with this pain, unable to work, then on the day I get my first disability check, this asshole captures a picture of me lifting a cooler of beer, but what the picture does not show is that it was the check that gave me the strength to lift it, and besides just because I can lift a fifty pound cooler doesn't mean I can do manual labor all

So I was saving these pics for some great stories, but when I look at them all I can come up with is "Fuck Yeah." So I made a compilation of Fuck Yeah. Enjoy.

NOTICE: Image may also contain a hint of WTF.

Austin TX - In a shocking turn of events Sorority sister and sixth year senior Krissy Peterson has graduated from the University of Texas without a tattoo on her lower back.
The lower back tattoo also known as Ass Antlers or Tramp Stamps has become a prerequisite to even pledge most houses. This marks the first female that participated in the Greek system to complete a degree without tattoo since 2001.

"At first I wanted to say it had something to do with the economy, then I thought her parents must be religious or something, but when I looked at her student records I could see that she was a total party girl, my guess is that she was simply too drunk and busy sleeping around to take the time" says Dan Greer head of the Greek Life and Intercultural Education Association.

Kris

The almost entirely male led Supreme Court of the United States has unanimously agreed that gay marriage - a union between two people of the same sex - is permissable by US law if the marriage is between "two stunning lesbians"...

Hollywood CA - In their latest attempt grub a little bit more fame, Nicole Ritchie and Paris Hilton have reunited to remake the popular 2 Girls 1 Cup scat video that was an Internet sensation in 2008.

Washington D.C.- President Barack Obama today outlined his plan to reduce the United States' emission levels and cut down on foreign oil dependence.

"I have put in place a plan that will both reduce America's carbon footprint and severely decrease our dependence on foreign oil," the President said. "We're all gettin' new bikes!"

Obama said every United States citizen can expect their bikes to arrive in 4-6 months.

The diamond carpool lanes on highways will now be reserved for those on tandem bicycles.

"People can also have the option to get a pair of new rollerblades," Obama said. "Or those shoes that little kids wear that have the little wheels in them."

Omaha NB - Local mans masturbation den has been given some new marketing priority within his circle of friends. David Richards has begun a new campaign in an attempt to get friends to hang out at his place more often. According to David he became frustrated that no one ever wanted to hangout at his place, which prompted him to take up a more aggressive sales pitch; "I like porn a lot and my close friends know that, I live alone and keep blankets over most of my windows for the privacy not just for masturbating, I did have some missteps with the early marketing, "The Beaver Lodge" and "The Stabb'n Cabin" were my first attempts but my friends quickly pointed out that both of those names imply that I have females over. But the new name is sure to win them over, my place will simply be

Annapolis MD - Makers of the popular Calgon Bath and Beauty products have been implicated in thousands of abductions dating back to the 1970's. Thanks to a few amateur sleuths and their dog the case has been broken wide open. It all began when the beauty company stumbled across an ancient Chinese secret in the form of an incantation that when read aloud would transport unwitting women to labor camps in southeast Asia. According to Fred, the lead investigator" these poor overworked women were tricked into thinking that Calgon would teleport them to a place of peace and relaxation, when in reality they would end up working long hours in sweat shops, they got away with this for years until we started to investigate."

Television viewers may remember the company's advertisements in whi

CUPERTINO, Calif. (CAP) - The latest blockbuster iPhone application, or "app," is Squawky-Talky, an application that allows users to broadcast their voice in real-time to other iPhone owners.

"It's pretty cool," noted iPhone user Josh Carlisle, 20, of Freehold, N.J. "I was going to text my buddy Todd, but then I used this app and we were able to talk to each other. I was like, Dude, it's Josh! and Todd was like, Dude!

"Did I mention it was pretty cool?" asked Carlisle.

The $2.99 application has been downloaded more than 150,000 times since its release last month, but, like many iPhone apps, it has been the subject of some controversy.

"It's very annoying to have to listen to these people yak at each other," said Randy Peregrine, 24, of Dallas, Tex., referring to th

Washington, D.C.- A report published by the National Study of the Mentally Unstable raised concerns about the future of America's gene pool.

"From what we can tell, crazies and schizophrenics are getting married in higher and higher numbers," Dr. Frank Russo, NSMU spokesman said. "Just look at some of the things brides are doing these days. Hair made to look like a tree? A cake that looks like a person? You've got to be shitting me.

"What happens when these people start having kids? We are going to have a country of children wondering why the bread is talking to them. It's going to be the start of a national crisis."

Renton, WA-- Executive officials at Hasbro Toys, Inc., were stunned and perplexed by the recent nose dive of the company's stock prices.

"We are simply shocked," Hasbro Chief Communications Officer Dough Stockton said. "We still believe our line of O.G. Ponies is the next hot trend for girls ages 5-12, and we'd like to see Kenner or Parker Brothers develop something as groundbreaking as our line of cute Ninja Bear Cuddlers. We know those are going to be a smash."

Cupertino CA - Apple has announced a new wide-screen edition of their wildly popular Iphone, the new version boosts the same performance specifications as its predecessor but will allow users to quickly access any application with out the need to slide to the next page. In their press release Apple stated that "Our research team realized that many of our users are really stupid and never realized that additional pages were available, the new phone will allow them to buy more apps and have quick launch access."

Critics have been quick to point out that the new form factor will make it very difficult to fit in most pockets, but are certain that it will be a hot seller.